Episode 24: Irene McKenna: H.E.A.R.T Led Parenting - Yes! It works!

Are you a parent who desires to be more calm and confident with your children?

My guest today is Irene McKenna, a parenting coach for parents who desire more calm, confidence, & connection in their parenting. She’s passionate in the belief that as we understand ourselves better, we parent with more presence, peace, and possibility. “When one can lead with their heart, there is the possibility for connection and it is in that connection that behavior can change.” She’s the founder of Irene McKenna Coaching, the creator of the Heart-led Parenting Academy, the Leading with Heart Program, and soon to be released, Parenting by Design. She utilizes EFT, NLP, and Human Design in her work with clients. Irene believes in cultivating joy in her life daily and you can usually find her curled up reading personal development books (seriously all the books!), walking outside with her puppy, or playing games with her husband and kids.

In Irene‘s coaching, she uses what she calls H.E.A.R.T.  Led parenting explains what she means when she says leading with H.E.A.R.T. 

H - is for holding space. And it’s holding not holding space due to our interpretations or judgments. But really being a witness to our child’s experience. 

E - Engaging with purpose and intention. This is stepping out of all of those default patterns that are so easy to step into. This is choosing our response!

A - Acknowledging and accepting all emotions and feelings. Both our own and our children. NOT judging as good or bad but simply as information, communication.

R - regulate your emotions. Truly that’s what we’re in control of. 

Kids 0-7 are 100% dependent on parents for that coregulation. Then they get a little bit more but not until they hit their teen years are they 100% dependent. Up until their prefrontal cortexes really mature which are in their mid-twenties. So many times we push our children should calm down then we calm down. But really it’s us as parents who need to calm down first. 

T- Trusting the process. This is long game parenting, long game commitment, and building those connections so that we are choosing to act from our values and passing those values on versus trying to get a certain set of behaviors. 

Irene was talking about the different kinds of trauma children can go through. They can go through big T trauma such as abuse or their parents having an addiction problem. Or little t trauma such as, a child is always like, “Am I worthy of love? Do you love me?” They NEED parents for their very survival. They will never make their parents wrong. They will never make the world or the experiences they’re going through wrong. They will make themselves wrong.

Everybody has their ‘story’. And what we do between ages 0-7 is we are creating our child’s story for them. And it’s up to us to make it as positive a story as it can possibly be!

Every negative thing that you say to a child or that they perceive you need to give them five positives to offset that! 

So much of parenting should be connecting and listening. Parenting can actually be simple! Maybe not easy, but simple.

Parenting would be ‘easy’ if all of us didn’t carry around so much of our own baggage that we have picked up from our own entire lives. 

We both truly believe that when we change our parenting we can change the world.

Irene offers a free group for like-minded parents as well as a program you can join because we are not meant to parent alone! Most of the time we don’t see our own stuff. And parenting tends to go in these waves where there’s very strict parenting and then there’s very permissive parenting. Then back to strict. We think we have to be in control or there’s chaos.

“Heart-led parenting is this middle ground that allows you to set the guard rails. You are the leader of your family, but it’s not based on control it’s based on collaboration.” Irene


You can find out more about Irene by visiting her website here.

  • I would SO appreciate you leaving a rating and review in Apple Podcast if you’ve found this podcast encouraging, and inspiring in any way!

julie hatch